Ah Gravity -- Thou Art A Heartless Bitch

I really think I am loosing it. I locked myself out AGAIN!!! That is twice in one week. This time I blame my grandma for having the audacity to talk to me on the phone while I was leaving the apartment. How dare she distract me!

I'm thinking a CAT scan might be in order here.

Well a half snow day at least. My 9 am class is cancelled due to the professor being stuck in a snow bank. hahaha Oh you've got to love people who freak out over a few inches of snow. Anyway, back to bed for me.

I'm currently writing my Masters thesis on a sixteenth century tournament book from Nuremberg which is in the Arms and Armor department at the Metropolitan Museum. But of course since this type of object falls between the fields of art history (what I do) and military history, no one has ever published anything of any significance on this. Basically what I am getting at is that I NEED to see this thing in person to be able to write my thesis on it or I am screwed.

So I call the Met yesterday assuming I would just have to leave a message with an assistant and then wait wait wait. Yeah, no so much the case. I was immediately put through to the freakin curator, which on one hand was great, but I wasn't exactly prepared to talk to someone that high up. A little intimidating. But as luck would have it I think I came off as not a complete amateur. The curator basically told me that the manuscript is very fragile and I needed to write a letter stating my reasons for needing to see the book in person.

So I talked to my thesis adviser and wrote the letter. Hopefully I have convinced them of my awesomeness as a person and scholar and they will let me see it. My entire thesis hinges on my seeing this book. *chews nails* Pleeaaassee Met let me see your precious little manuscript... I promise to wash my hands first...and I won't even sneeze on it *begs and pleads with the art history Gods*

Also I just noticed this, but why as a Northern Renaissance specialist do I only have an Italian Baroque icon??? Must work on that.

So this whole computer dying thing just got a whole lot worse when I came to the sudden realization that I never backed up my research project that I worked on ALL SUMMER for a professor. *headdesk* How dumb could I be?! Three months of work and I didn't back it up once. *sobs*

Now I need to explain this to the professor. Luckily part of the project is on the school's database so I at least have all of the images (I basically compile an huge 16th C Northern European collection of images), what I don't have is the gigantic spreadsheet with all of the information about the images, including where everything is. *repeated headdesk*

So any tips on how to explain to my professor my big screw up?

Sunday night as I was feverishly attempting to put together a powerpoint for an article I needed to present in class the next day my computer froze up, crashed and never came back. All I had was a gray screen with a blinking question mark. *sobs*

I was told at the computer repair store that "there is nothing we can do" "your hard drive is fried" and "no, we won't even attempt to retrieve any data for you." *boggles* Not anything!!

So today I got my computer back from them with nothing but the operating system on it. So now I am sitting in the library attempting to put my life back in order. I never realized how much I rely on having every little thing in place on my laptop. I feel like I am in some bizarre foreign country where I don't speak the language. It is very disorientating.


Don't get me wrong I am grateful the computer was still under warranty and thus all of this was free, but I want my old hard drive...*wails*

Missed you guys!

Wednesday of this week I handed back the first quizzes for my class and they were a disaster. The average in my class was 21 out of 43, but then they were curved so that a 21 was a B- so really it all worked out. Well of course half the class freaked out and have been tracking me down since. I just had a scheduled meeting with one of the boys in my class to discuss a paper and at the end he brings out his quiz and says "um I think you may have made a mistake on my quiz, I think you wrote a B when you meant an F." How adorable is he?!! So of course I explained to him that the grades are curved and he actually did really well and then when on some tangent on how to study for the next one to do even better. But seriously, would you have ever been that honest to ask if your B was really suppose to have been an F? I would have taken the B and ran.

Wow so second lecture today and the day just gets crazier. Seriously is there something in the air here?!

( images in question and poll behind the cut )

A few weeks ago, while back in Minnesota, I got to show my horse at a local show. As luck would have it there was a photographer there and because I can never resist pictures of my horse I ordered a disk. Finally this weekend I got it in the mail and the following is maybe the funniest picture anyone has taken of my horse at a show...



And just to prove we don't look like a mad disaster all the time...



What a nut job. I really love in that first picture how her lip is curled up to show her teeth.

Today was my first day teaching ever. The best I can say about it is that I survived and I kept my shaky hands to a minimum and hidden.

*headdesk*

Please someone fire me and end the torture. My 50 minute class only lasted 30 minutes, because I couldn't handle another second of all those faces just staring up at me and not saying anything. The section I am teaching is a discussion section of a larger lecture hall class. Note the word "discussion" in that previous sentence. Class, discussion means that more than 5 of you need to raise your hand and you also need to have more than one word answers.

The whole experience was terribly embarrassing. I can only imagine how awkward it was to sit and watch me fumble along up there trying to get people to talk and find something to talk about to fill the time.

After all this I went home and proceeded to have a very restless nap on my couch and as if class hadn't been awful enough, every time I drifted off I was right back there in front of all those staring eyes with nothing to say.

Seriously this has to have been the longest half hour of my life, and I get to do it all over again on Friday.

Do you think anyone would notice if I slipped some vodka in my juice before teaching? I need all the help I can get.

It seems grad school (ie stress) has consumed my life and I have been grievously neglecting my LJ friends. My goal this semester is to not freak out, so I can spend that stressing-out-energy on more sane things, like LJ.

So what's new with me?

Well I've been thrust into responsible adulthood and given 3 sections of an undergrad class to teach this semester. Oh those poor souls who have to sit through my first few lectures while I try and hide my shaking hands behind the podium. God I hope there is a podium to hide behind. Fortunately I don't start teaching that class until next week. So I guess starting next week I put away the jeans with holes and tennis shoes and don slightly more appropriate clothing.

In other news...the women's rowing team attacked me on the street and tried to recruit me, I was so thrown off by the blind-side I just stood there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. Apparently they just wander around campus looking for tall girls. Does anyone know why you need to be tall to be a good rower?

Oh and the best news yet this semester...it is only 3 days in and I have already made an enemy of the Fine Arts head librarian, who it turns out is also teaching a class I am required to take. So yeah, I haven't even been to his class yet and he already hates me. AWESOME!!! Nothing like starting out a class with the professor already putting checks next to your name.

I've missed you guys!!

Well guys, I pulled my very first all-nighter. 6 1/2 years of college and I had never once had to pull one, but 12 straight hours in the library later, I finally walked out at 5:30am to birds chirping and campus starting to come alive again. You know while you are still working it doesn't seem like afternoon could possibly have turned into morning, but walking out of the library past the cafe to see that not only had they closed, but were also opening up for breakfast again it hit me...WTF am I still doing here!

It seems the story should end with me curling up in bed and sleeping away the day, but my new finch had other plans. And those plans included flock calling at the top of his lungs starting at 7:30am!! So low and behold I found myself just a mere 3 hours later wandering my way back to the library to finish up my paper.

Now if only my printer would spit out the very last page, I could pack it up ready to turn it tomorrow morning and go to bed. Of course the printer is in cahoots with the birds and refuses to print the entire page. Oh it'll print half the page, but then...nothing!

*passes out*

As of yesterday I have a new addition to the my feathered family. A few weeks ago one of my spice finches passed away of unknown causes and now I only have one spice finch all by her lonesome. Finches don't do well by themselves so I waited 2 weeks to make sure there was no disease in the house that killed the other finch and since have been searching for the right guy to set her up with. I finally found a handsome little stud yesterday freshly arrived at the pet store, poor little guy was still scared of people coming up to the glass. Of course I instantly fell in love and decided he was the one for my Nut to enter into wedded bliss with. He is in 2 week quarantine in my bedroom right now. Nut's morning song stylings caught his attention this morning and they have been chattering back and forth ever since. Who knew 2 three inch long birds could be so loud. They actually woke me up from my much needed post-final nap, and I have been known to sleep through tornadoes.

It seems I might have a future in finch match-making.

Like a good responsible library patron I brought my books in to be renewed this morning. Both of these books are "Do Not Circulate" books, but since I am a grad student the librarian always just overrides the system and checks them out, just for a shorter time period (hence my needing to renew them). Yesterday I renewed DNC books and no problem. Today I bring two DNC books in to be renewed and what do they do??? They confiscate them!!! Not only would they not renew them, but they put them in the office where they are now considered "Unavailable". WHAT??!!! No no no, you don't understand. I have a 20 page paper due on Tuesday that I have nothing but a title and a thesis for, and I NEED those books!!!

Arguing with the librarian got me nowhere, but I did find out that some brilliant mind thought NOW would be a good time to collect all the DNC books in the Fine Arts Library to be gone through by hand by the head librarian for assessment. Um what?! It is three weeks from the end of the semester, and half the books in the library are DNCs!! I fail to see why something of this nature cannot wait just three more weeks, when no one will be needing these books, right now we NEED THEM.

So anyways, both the Director of Art History and the Director of Art History Graduate Studies were shocked to hear about this and wrote a stern email to the librarian in charge of this endeavor. I hear that the "situation has now been ironed out and you may pick up your books." Haha, don't mess with the grad students, we make the department money and in turn they take very good care of us.

My bird had a minor crisis yesterday. Well actually I found the whole ordeal hilarious, but SHE didn't see the humor in it.

Athene is a cockatiel who, aside from my two spice finches, is scared to death of birds. Yeah I know, I don't get it either. *shrugs* She is also out of her cage and free to fly about my apartment whenever I am home, which more often than not means I am being followed around or am myself chasing her. (You should see her run when she has snatched away a highlighter from me. Work those little birdie legs!)

Well yesterday morning found me plopped on the couch trying to waste away the time I should have been writing about 19th C American artists, when all of a sudden Athene screamed and flew frantically around the apartment for about 5 minutes. This ended in her hiding on top of my kitchen cabinets.

It soon became clear what had set her off, when I noticed a morning dove perched right outside the window by her cage. Apparently he got a little too close for comfort for poor confused Athene. But then he kept coming back! Athene has a morning dove admirer! Ah...how cute.

I guess I need to sit her down and have The Talk now.

And here is a picture of the lovely lady all the morning doves are in a twitter about.

For my 15th C Netherlandish painting class I am currently reading 14th C Middle Dutch courtly love poetry. Why you may ask? Well I'm not exactly sure, except that it is part of the culture, but the point is that this shit is hilarious. Who would have expected that?!! Here is my favorite poem:

From the lady to her admirer:
Friend, whom I love and long shall continue to love, you have served me truly for so long that I shall reward you and surrender my body to you --save below the girdle. // You may touch, kiss, and embrace me, caress me in all places and make love to me; I shall not deny you, for know that I am all yours -- save below the girdle.

His reply:
For wanting to reward me, my dear lady, with your heart and your whole body save below the girdle, I thank you -- but, may love help me, I feel more devotion for the lower than for the upper part!

"I feel more devotion for the lower than for the upper part!" - haha well at least he is honest.

I can't decide if my professors are awesome or just ridiculously squeamish-worthy, so I throw the discussion out to my flist.

I had class this morning discussing violence in 15th Century Netherlandish painting, and a graduate section meeting with a different professor tonight discussing the American artist Thomas Eakins. Somehow I was lucky enough to blush myself nearly into a stroke while listening to both professors discuss their respective topics using the following vocabulary: penetration, beastiality, erotica, crotch, vibrator, necrophilia, among many others and hey since it is art history of course there were images to go along with this (and I do not mean just paintings). Then one professor ever so awkwardly traced with his fingers the oblique lines of Brad Pitt's giant projected Fight Club-self (btw, delicious much?!), demonstrating how those lines led right to his penis. Now I am not a prude and have absolutely no problem discussing these things, but oh so awkward today. I'm not sure if it was awkward because it was class or because of the particular professors discussing it. I mean come on, we are art historians - so yeah not the most socially graceful lot.

Just for reference this is the exact screen shot my professor projected and then proceeded to trace with his finger until ever so nicely tracing Brad Pitt's package.

List seven quirks or habits about yourself.

Oh gosh, well let's see now...

1) I'm a zealous neat freak. When I lived in the college dorms my friends would go into my room and move something just to see how long it would take me upon entering the room to notice. Let's just say we discovered I can consistently spot something moved a mere inch within the first five minutes. *feels like a lab rat*

2) Growing up my mom kept trying to teach me how to cook because she said I needed to learn so I could cook for my husband someday. To which my reply was, well why can't he cook. That nearly gave my mom a stroke (she is the very traditional, man is the head of the household type of wife, which just doesn't fly with me). Now over the last few years I taught myself how to cook, but I can't bring myself to tell my mom. I still don't want her to know that if I ever do have a husband someday I could cook for him. See now she just tainted that forever. So *shush* keep it a secret.

3) I fall down stairs A LOT! Never once drunk though. Go figure.

4) I live to be around animals. Yeah don't invite me over to your house if you have a pet and don't want me to spend 70% of the time talking to it instead of you. *shrugs* Sorry, I just love them. shes_gone and spirithorse21 can attest to this.

5) I am a closet insanely socially awkward person. I think most of the time I can fly under the radar and not have people notice how awkward I am. And then there are other times when I'm say at a party and the person I am talking to makes a statement such as "but you see I'm 24 and I've only had one boyfriend before and only 5 dates ever" and my reply is to stare blanking for a few moments and then say "um wow I don't know what to say, this is awkward." I'm sure that made it all better. Way to kill a conversation alreeces

6)


Ah, well -- I think that about says it all there. That is my new soap holder for my bathroom and I was so excited about it when I got home I just HAD to take pictures with it to send to shes_gone.

7) An easy gauge of how stressed out/busy I am is too check my arm for writing. The more stressed I get the more scatter-brained I get and at some point even a day planner can't keep me on track. At that point I start writing things I can't forget on my arm. Worst ever I was almost solid from wrist to elbow. It would have been terribly embarrassing, if I would have had time to notice how silly I looked.

Apparently, saltcellars were all the rage in 15th Century Netherlandish gift giving. Really?! Salt cellars? Ok. You'd think with all the amazing art being made by contemporary artists (Jan van Eyck, Rogier van der Weyden, etc.) these people could find something a little more exciting that a salt cellar to give as a gift, but hey I'm open-minded. I figured I would reserve my judgement until I looked up a few of these saltcellars. And here is the treasure I found:


Benvenuto Cellini, Saltcellar of Francis I., 1539-43, gold with enamel

Isn't that just special?! I'm not even sure what to say about it. Now although this particular saltcellar is Italian, the Netherlandish versions are pretty much the same thing. Sadly I couldn't find a photograph of the one in the article I was reading, it was decorate with pearls, gargoyles, and urinating children. Wouldn't you just love to have that little wonder sitting on your holiday table? What exactly would be the proper response to a gift such as that?

*waves vigorously*

I'm baaaaccckk!!!! Well I think I am -- for the moment at least, I guess we will see how long it lasts.

Besides now knowing everything there is to know about 15th Century Netherlandish painting ;) I did learn a few important things while enduring research boot camp:

1: You can cite yourself in your own book! - No shit! Good to know, of course it makes you look like an ego maniac. But by golly, Charles D. Cuttler did it on page 275 of his book, and so can you.

2: You can abbreviate any words or phrases you like in your own book. For the benefit of your reader just include a gloss of all your newly formed abbreviations on the first page. Case in point, here is an actual excerpt from a book by D. Bax:


(click on image to make larger, and thus readable)

3:The stairs in the School of Fine Arts are of the most treacherous design. The jackass that design it must have had a vendetta against the arts. The building is a big triangle which puts all the stairways on an angle. It really is just a matter of time before I fall down them.

Speaking of falling down, I totally biffed it on some ice yesterday and proceeded to launch myself ass first off a cement ledge onto the parking lot. Only about a foot and half but my ass and jammed shoulder seem to think it was a lot farther. Teach me to be a good student and go to the library on a Saturday.

*waves wearily*

I've had a lot of crazy professors over the years, I mean I was and am in the Fine Arts department, but this one may just take the cake. The stack of books above is a pictorial representation of my day. And why did I have to read and summarize 10 books?? Previously mentioned crazy professor assigned a complete bibliography of your topic, literature review, and paper proposal just 3 weeks into classes and of course didn't tell us until a week and a half ago. To say the least I am all read out and ever so far behind on LJ posts. This research project is due Thursday and then, because I was dumb enough to take two classes with this prof, a second one is due next Wednesday, but after that I'LL BE BACK!!! And at that time I will be enlisting help to plot revenge on aforementioned professor.